I like to argue

Though He slay me, I will hope in Him.
Nevertheless I will argue my ways before Him
Job 13:15
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"Jacob wrestled the angel and the angel was overcome."
U2
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Oh, it's gonna take some blood to see the nations come
come now, let us go
track 12 from the album "Can you Hear Us"
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He prayed more fervently, and he was in such agony of spirit that his sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood.
Luke 22:44
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My dad's initial answer to most requests was usually "no".
"Can I get a coke?"
"No"
"Can I rent a movie?"
"No"
I soon discovered, however, that if I really really wanted something I could most often get it...but I had to work hard to get it. Movies and cokes weren't usually worth the effort to me, but a trip or adventure... now that was something I was willing to fight for...and I did. In 7th grade, I wanted to go to France. Dad's initial answer of course was "no"...but I went. He didn't pay for it, or make it easy to go, but he let me work for it. In college, I wanted to go to Guatemala. Dad's initial answer was "no"...but I went. Sometimes the initial answer was the final answer. There were those times when I'd ask, and push, and push, and the answer would remain "no" because he really didn't think it was a good idea. After college, I wanted to go to Africa. Dad's answer remained "no"... I was old enough to make my own decision and I could have gone, but I wanted his blessing, so I decided not to go. Sometimes in the middle of the fight I'd realize, "maybe this isn't worth fighting for - maybe its not what I really want", and that's fine too. But most of the time I think he was just resisting at the start to see how badly I wanted what I was asking for...and if I really wanted it and fought him for it...then he'd usually consent and let me have my way.

In general I think its a bad idea to project experiences with our dad onto God. We pray "Our Father, who art in heaven..." For many, who've experienced absent or abusive fathers, this prayer is not very comforting. But God is "our Father in heaven" - the perfect dad. My dad is not perfect, but he's a pretty good dad, and in this case I think his parenting of me helps me to understand how God wants to be my father. I think He too wants me to ask Him for what I want, and to fight hard for it. Often when I want something from God, though, I give a half hearted plea. Why don't I insist the way I've always done? Is God wanting me to insist more than I do...to wrestle with Him a bit...to fight with Him a little - maybe even a lot? Is He testing me to find out what I really want, and how hard I'm willing to fight for it? Certainly there are things that are just not a good idea, and no matter how hard I fight, God's answer will remain "no". But I wonder ...are there some things I just haven't bothered Him enough about?

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But I would speak to the Almighty, and I desire to argue with God.

Job 13:3
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...ask, and it will be given to you;
seek, and you will find;
knock, and it will be opened to you.
For everyone who asks, receives;
and he who seeks, finds;
and to him who knocks, it will be opened.
Luke 11:9-10

a living being

Then the Lord God formed man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.
Genesis 2:7

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Dust and breath. Not one or the other, but both. There is an animal nature in us...to protect ourselves, to feed ourselves, to reproduce ourselves...and all the chemical, physiological STUFF of our material bodies that make us that way. It is good, but it is not all. We are dust and...breath. Not just the breath that delivers oxygen to our lungs and keeps all those chemicals functioning, but the breath that is life and freedom. Freedom from the STUFF. Freedom to be vulnerable, to fast, to deny oneself...and to love.

So often though we treat people like dirt - just dust from the ground...dust without breath.

Was recently talking with a friend about whorehouses, prostitution, pornography... nice conversation right? but such things pervade our society - people being sold as a consumer product, people being used and abused. The whorehouse is the extreme example, but we buy and sell our friends and "loved ones" in a similar manner everyday. It is so hard to not treat people as something to entertain me, to distract me, to help me, to prosper me...so hard for me, me, me. I take a deep breath, and greet my friend again, hoping this time I will deny myself and love another. Hoping this time I will not be a slave to this animal instinct in me - to serve only me. Hoping this time to be free from me and love another...I think I'm gonna have to "hurt for it, work for it", but I'm convinced its worth it..how else can I be "a living being" (Gen 2:7)

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Well we hurt each other, than we do it again
You say love is a temple, love a higher law.
Love is a temple, love the higher law.
You ask me to enter...and then you make me crawl!
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Yeah, you hurt for it, work for it...LOVE.
You don't always show it.
You wanna be the song, be the song that you hear in your head... LOVE."

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Love rescue Me!

U2:)

The Art of Loving and Running

It is week 12 of my training for the Gainesville marathon set for Valentine's Day 2010. I'm hoping not only to finish the race, but also to run fast enough to qualify for the Boston Marathon. It is a lofty goal for me... and one that I'm not so sure I am capable of attaining...

I'm considering another goal for Valentine's Day as well. It is even loftier... and one that I'm quite positive I'll not attain, especially not byFeb. 14 ...if ever. The speaker at my seminary graduation ceremony challenged the graduates: "get good at loving well". I didn't know what he meant really, but a few years later I've decided its a challenge worth pursuing. Maybe the only thing in life that is whole heartedly worth pursuing. I realize this will be a life long pursuit, and not something I'll achieve over the next 3 months, but its helpful to set milestones on a long run, and for thematic purposes Valentines Day will be the first mile marker in my training to get good at loving well:)

I recently finished reading "The Art of Loving" by Eric Fromm. "Is love an art?" he begins, "then it requires knowledge and effort." Fromm says that love is the one thing that everyone wants, but very few ever truly attain. If I look around, I'd have to say "yeah, that strikes me as a true statement". And if I look at myself I have to say the same thing...where's the love??? And I don't just mean romantic love, but love between friends, family, self, God, and yes, romantic love too:) Love is rarely attained, Fromm says, due to a lack of knowledge and effort. Not luck? Not meeting the right person to love? No. Knowledge and Effort - understanding what real love is and putting effort into attaining it. We have adopted distorted notions of what love is from our culture. One of those distortions is the idea that love is something one "falls into" (based on emotions), or just a matter of meeting the right person - someone that is easy to love. We assume that real love should be easy and not require any work or effort on our part. But Fromm says that love is not something for the lucky few, but for those few willing to train and work for it.

Today's long run was 18 miles - and I questioned myself: "why am I doing this? ...it is so hard!!!" I'm doing it because it is good for me (it makes me a stronger and better person), and because all the effort will be worth it when I cross the finish line come February. Ok, actually it has nothing to do with Feb 14 - race day - valentine's day. It has everything to do with the training and who I am all the days leading up to race day. Am I a runner? Am I a person who loves?

"The practice of any art," Fromm argues "requires discipline, concentration, patience, and a supreme concern with the mastery of that art" - the same is true for learning the art of loving. I do not like any of those words: discipline, concentration, and patience - but there are things of supreme concern to me that I am willing to practice discipline, concentration, and patience for. The marathon requires this of me...am I willing to practice these things to also get good at loving well? Training for a marathon is so concrete and easy to measure and observe your progress in. Love is much harder to measure - and as such, perhaps it is more worth the striving for.