Fasting

"In fasting, we learn how to suffer happily as we feast on God. And it is a good lesson, because in our lives we will suffer, no matter what else happens to us."

Dallas Willard
The Spirit of the Disciplines
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I like food. This makes fasting one of the more difficult spiritual disciplines to follow. Silence and solitude, celebration, simplicity - these other disciplines aren't as difficult because I'm naturally kinda quiet, enjoy time to myself, like to celebrate, and live a pretty simple life. Fasting, however, is much harder to swallow. The thought of fasting never occurred to me until about five years ago when I read Richard Foster's book Celebration of Discipline, which I've mentioned several times now. Initially I failed to see the spiritual benefit of fasting, yet decided to try it out, if for nothing other than the vanity of losing a pound or two. Foster said that its purpose and benefit would become more clear with practice, but after fasting from all but liquids once a week for about a year or two, I found myself becoming legalistic about it, dreading the day, and (I thought) not reaping much spiritual benefit from it, so I quit.

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2008 started with a short lived new year's resolution to make the spiritual disciplines a part of my 352 days. By early February (I'm just guessing - all I know is that it didn't take long), other things became greater priorities in my life. I wish I'd been more faithful in practicing the disciplines, because I think they would have prepared and helped me to deal more appropriately with the trials I faced that year. Among other losses, I mourned the death of both my grandparents. Suffering and death, disappointment big and small - they are an inevitable part of life, but how I respond to them is not. I was less than prepared to give a mature response to the disappointments I faced. I carried a face of gloom and allowed myself to become a product of my starving circumstances. I allowed myself to understand God and my own identity through that context, and I was neither happy with myself nor with Him. I felt quite lost, but was reminded by Coldplay that: "Just because I'm losing, doesn't mean I'm lost." Coldplay was right:) - circumstances always change & circumstances don't define me. Since I'm taking advice from pop artists, I might as well include Miss Stacie's advice to the downcast Anne (of Green Gables): "Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it."

One highlight of 2008 was running my first half marathon in February, and then in October I ran my first full marathon in Chicago. In my training for these races I found that some days were easy and my legs would just go, while other days I'd feel like I could barely run a mile cause my legs felt so heavy. Even within the course of a run, I'd find myself thinking "ugh! I can't make it," but then a few miles later I'd be singing in my head and thinking, "I could run forever!" I learned that things change - to push on through the hard miles and wait for the burst of energy that would allow me to keep going. Just because I was struggling then, didn't mean I'd be struggling for the whole run - and I could even enjoy pushing through the tiring parts because I knew that that's when I was making the greatest strides forward as a runner.

In 2009, I tried fasting again, but the newness of the idea had worn off, and now it was just a hassle - I'd get headaches, find myself not getting as much work done, or find myself hungry (obviously) - somehow I thought a discipline should be easy!?! As soon as I started, I thought about quitting again - again I was missing the point. So what is the point? I think it's just good 'ole fashioned discipline. Fasting is one small way we can teach ourselves how to be content in good times and bad - when we don't have exactly what we want. Fasting is not for forever, but for a set time that will pass, and it does not dictate our countenance(unless we let it), but provides opportunity to demonstrate where our joy truly comes from. It teaches us to press on with the day - whatever circumstance the day brings - hungry or not - to press on!

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Paul to the Phillipians
ch. 4, vs. 11-13

I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

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Lent is the 40 day liturgical season in which Christians specifically devote themselves to prayer, fasting, and almsgiving. This year, lent begins on February 25th - "Ash Wednesday" - less than a week away!

Silence & Solitude

Spring time (or late winter in Florida's case) is when breeders get busy - busy as bees. I am studying genetics/plant breeding at the University of Florida (GO GATORS!), and my adviser is a stone-fruit (peach, apricot, plum, cherry - but mostly peach) breeder. Currently we are making crosses in the field, which means that when a peach tree begins to bloom, we remove the petals and anthers of each flower before a bee can get to it, and brush pollen (of our own choosing) onto the flower's pistil to fertilize it. Later we'll collect the seeds in order to plant them (last year we planted approx. 8000 seedlings) - hoping that just one of them will have all the traits we want for a big, fat, juicy peach!
(1) When the blossom swells, but is not yet open, (2) the petals & anthers are removed, and (3) a pencil eraser is used to make the pollination

Making these hybrid crosses takes about 2-3 hours everyday, but the time goes by fast out in a sunny orchard of blooming peach trees. The work is enjoyable - I love it in fact, and look forward to this time of year. But it can also be an exhausting time of year, especially amidst all of the other regularly scheduled activities going on. I like to keep busy, but I also like time to myself - its a constant little war. Of late, the busy side has been winning, and I've enjoyed the reign of activity, but the introvert in me is staging a protest - a kind of silent protest... a sit-down strike:) Really, I just need to practice the spiritual discipline of silence and solitude.

Silence and solitude means rest from activity and rest from others. It reestablishes the Christian's identity which is centered in Christ alone. It reminds her that she is not defined by what she does as a blogger, exerciser , or plant breeder. Nor does she exist merely in relation to others as a sister, daughter, or friend. Relationally, she is the child of God, and she does nothing to be identified as such. She just is...even in silence and solitude.

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Rest from activity...

I've not read much of Blaise Pascal for myself, but just after college I studied for a semester in France and took an introductory level french philosophy class there, in which Pascal was one of the thinkers presented. Because the professor was speaking in french, I missed a lot of what was said, but one idea made it passed the language barrier, because he kept saying it over and over: divertissement. The word translates into English as diversion, and the idea is that because man is aware of his smallness and impending death, he busies himself with diversions, pursuits, and activities to avoid thinking about his condition and who he really is.

Pascal writes...
"The only thing which consoles us from our miseries is diversion, and yet this is the greatest of our miseries. For it is this which principally hinders us from reflecting upon ourselves and which makes us insensibly ruin ourselves...But diversion amuses us, and leads us unconsciously to death."

"But take away diversion, and you will see them dried up with weariness. They feel then their nothingness without knowing it; for it is indeed to be unhappy as soon as we are reduced to thinking of self and have no diversion."

"All of man's misfortune comes from one thing, which is not knowing how to sit quietly in a room."

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Rest from others...

In Life Together, Dietrich Bonhoeffer speaks of the importance of the day together and the day alone. He writes, "Let him who cannot be alone beware of community. Let him who is not in community beware of being alone." This statement rings true in my ears, which hear nothing but "I...I...I..." by my own lips when I've been too often alone, and nothing but meaningless prattle when I've been too frequently among others. On the topic of needing rest from others, Bonhoeffer continues...

Alone you stood before God when He called you; alone you had to answer that call; alone you had to struggle and pray; and alone you will die and give an account to God. You cannot escape from yourself; for God has singled you out. If you refuse to be alone you are rejecting Christ's call to you, and you can have no part in the community of those who are called.

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Silence and solitude is one of the spiritual disciplines, and though you'd think doing and saying nothing would require little effort, it is actually quite difficult. The few times I've intentionally tried it have resulted in...

1. me scheming of what to do next

or

2. me falling asleep.

Neither of these seem to get at the purpose - reestablishing the Christian's identity in Christ alone. This past week was especially filled with people and activity(it was a fun week!), but feeling a bit drained from it all, I decided to attend "soaking prayer" at a church down the street. The church is open so that people can come pray. I was neither in silence (there was music playing) nor in solitude (others were there too) - but it was the most quiet and by-myself that I'd been in awhile. There's something about a church building - ceiling ascending to a peak, moonlight filling the room through stained glass, an altar from which the bread and wine are given, a crucifix nailed on the wall - something that draws my thoughts to Christ. I didn't think about all the things I had left to do that day, I didn't fall asleep, I didn't even pray really - I just sat there with a sense of peace that in this near silence and solitude, I, as much as ever, belonged to Christ.

What kind of fisherman are you?

I prefer studying in coffee shops. The activity and dull noise there keeps me alert, but doesn't distract me from what I'm reading. The best is studying in coffee shops with a good friend - one with whom you can take a short study break to discuss what you're learning - or any other topic that pops into your head when you're supposed to be learning:) Anyways, last week I was studying in a coffee shop (unfortunately alone this time), and I was doing just fine until a guy came to sit with the boy across from me - and the two began talking. They were not providing the kind of background noise that I appreciate, rather I could make out the words of their conversation. At first it was just distracting - talk of sports and weight lifting, blah, blah, blah. Then a couple of girls came over to talk with them - more distraction. At this point I decided to get my i-pod out to provide my own coffee shop background noise. After the girls left, and as I was searching for Beethoven's opus 9, the one boy asked the other, "so what kind of fisherman are you?" The other guy was as clueless as I was, so the boy explained. "You know, are you a fly fisherman? do you just go after that one special girl, or do you fish in shallow waters and catch a bunch of fish or whatever is around." I put my earphones in, but did not press play. Unfortunately, I was unable to get a further description of all the possible types of fishermen there were. The guy just responded, "I don't know, but there's an awful lot of fish in the sea."

Frozen Blueberries

February 2 is "Chandeleur" as French Catholics call it, or "The Presentation of Christ in the Temple" as Anglicans have named this feast day, which celebrates the event recorded in Luke 2 when Mary and Joseph brought Jesus to the temple - some history from wikipedia. Simeon, who was promised that he'd not die before seeing the messiah, was in the temple, and when he saw Jesus he prayed to God in thanksgiving for having beheld the one who would redeem the world. My friend tells me that the French celebrate this day by eating crèpes, so tonight (2 days late), she's inviting some friends over to eat crèpes. My assigned ingredient is blueberries. I have a big bag of them in my freezer that I picked last spring from the farm where my brother-in-law works. We'll heat them on the stove with some sugar, butter, and flour to make a sauce, and wrap them inside the crèpes to eat. Can't wait!

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My brother-in-law manages a large blueberry farm west of Gainesville. He and my sister also began a small farm of their own about three years ago, and they are one month away from their first harvest. Three years ago I got to help them take cuttings and plant them in a greenhouse they'd built, the next year they were planted in a nursery, and last Christmas our families helped transplant them into the five acre field where they are now beginning to fruit. Tonight, however, the fruit of their 3 years labor and investment are expected to be wiped out by a freeze.

Transplanting blueberry plants from the nursery into the field (Christmas 2007)

As I sit in my office I can hear the phone calls of growers calling to get advice from the blueberry expert whose office neighbors mine. Farmers in this area typically use overhead irrigation to protect their plants from such freezes - the constant running of water on the plants keeps the plant tissue from dropping below the temperature of freezing, and protects the flower buds and developing fruit from being destroyed. My brother-in-law has already spent many nights awake this winter - watching the weather from his truck to be ready to turn on the water if temperatures drop to low. This method has protected the plants several times already this winter when it has dropped below freezing at night. The next morning is quite a miracle to behold! - a winter wonderland of icicles dripping off of the uninjured berries. This form of protection, however, is rendered useless on such a cold and windy night as is predicted for tonight.

overhead irrigation providing a protective layer of ice on a field of blueberry bushes

When I talked with my sister on the phone this morning, she asked me to pray that the weather would not destroy their berries. I thought (to myself), "What's the point? Our prayers are not going to change God's mind or the weather." But who am I to say what God will do?!? My sister told me that she felt like the fear of bad weather was good in that it was causing her to pray more often. I thought (to myself again), "yeah, she's right, that's what prayer is really for, changing us (not God), and becoming ok with whatever He chooses to do." I told my sister that there's no point in worrying about tonight's weather b/c there's nothing she could do about it, that whatever happened would be God's will, and though it might make life a lot harder to lose their crop this year, it would ultimately be for the best. It was so easy for me to say.

I believe all that, but it was kind of a rotten thing to say. Kind of like Job's annoying friends - giving their wisdom when he just wanted some sympathy. Rather I should have been silent, listened to her contentions, and gotten down on my hands and knees to speak to the Almighty and argue with God on her behalf (Job 13). Yes, it is good to encourage and speak truth to one another, but it is also good to empathize, and to be honest about our fears before God.

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Job 13:3-6
But I would speak to the Almighty,
And I desire to argue with God.
But you smear with lies;
You are all worthless physicians.
O that you would be completely silent,
And that it would become your wisdom!
Please hear my argument
And listen to the contentions of my lips.

Spiritual Discipline

There's not a list of spiritual disciplines in Scripture, but there are certain practices that Scripture identifies as good and profitable for spiritual formation (forming our spirits and character to the image of Christ). These practices have been being performed by Christian men and women throughout history. Some of them include, but are not limited to...

• meditation (journaling, scripture memorization)
  
• prayer
• fasting
• study (scripture, nature)
  
• simplicity (frugal living)
  
• silence & solitude
• submission
• service
• confession
• worship
• guidance
• celebration

Lately I've been interested in the subject of discipleship and spiritual discipline. Perhaps one factor contributing to that interest is my reading of Richard Foster's Celebration of Discipline about 5 years ago, and then again last year when I discovered it on my friend's bookshelf. I also found Dallas Willard's Spirit of the Disciplines, on her shelf, which I enjoyed so much that I searched for another of Willard's books to read over Christmas: The Great Omission. These books certainly impressed upon me the importance of the spiritual disciplines. I recommend all three, and each could probably be found in the "Christian Living" section of your local (or mega-chain) book store.

When I go into a book store, I normally steer clear of the Christian Living section and make my way to the theology section - I want the meat - the intellectually challenging stuff that has to be chewed on for awhile. I do the same when reading Scripture - skip over the pretty straight forward list of dos and don'ts to the passages that tell me about God and all the divine things we'll never be able to wrap our heads around. In a different way, these books also impress upon me the importance of the spiritual disciplines, because they show me that theology can not be truly tasted and digested apart from them.

I'd grown up in a church that emphasized Christian Living - what Christians do (or more often don't do). Theology was not the focus... the trinity was an egg in my mind - shell, white stuff, and yolk:) In college I took classes in church history and historical thought, and was baffled by all there was to learn about the faith I'd grown up in (and thought that I had all figured out, but really knew very little about). I'd had my fill of green eggs and ham and was ready to be an academic!! I'm showing my naivety and ignorance here, b/c somehow I managed to separate the two in my mind - knowledge of Christ (theology) vs. obedience to Christ (Christian living). I don't feel like a total turkey though b/c I see many around me doing the same - focusing on faith or works - orthodoxy or orthopraxy - but not both. I dreamed of going to seminary - to figure out the faith. I wanted to learn about God objectively from a classroom, not a church - I didn't want to learn about spiritual formation and all those emotionally-charged-God-moving-in-my-life-and-speaking-to-me sorts of churchy things. Fortunately, God was moving in my life, and brought me to Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary. My first bit of reading was from Dietrich Bonhoeffer's Life Together, and I was surprised that this intellectually astute theologian was writing about Christian Living - reading your Bible, praying, singing hymns, etc. - I thought those were subjects for popular Christian writers or pastors, not great German theologians. My classes at Gordon-Conwell often began with the singing of a hymn and the professor praying - and I saw one or two of those professors brought to tears by his lecture material. My Christology professor said that theology could not be a purely academic pursuit, and that it was impossible to know God apart from worship - that God was not a subject to be studied intellectually, but a person to be experienced relationally. Looking back this seems so obvious, but I had my head in the clouds. By the way I took an entire class on the trinity, and still have no clue!

I can't tell you how refreshing it was to begin knowing God with not just my head, but also my heart, and my hands! I learned of Christ M-F in the classroom, in my readings, and discussions, but also in my mornings spent alone reading and memorizing Scripture, singing and praying, in my small group that prayed together weekly, and at church in the pastor's sermons, in the songs we sang, and in the prayers offered aloud by the charismatic lady who sat behind me - she was not a theologian, but I think she knew a lot more of God than I did.

I still gravitate to the theology section of the book store, but with the realization now that those theologians are not just academics who study scripture, but disciples who live and breathe it. I'm still skeptical of whispery/sweet/passionate prayers w/ music in the background, but with the realization now that not all emotion is staged, but true knowledge of God does often evoke emotion. I now realize that knowledge of Christ cannot be had without obedience to Christ and vice versa.

I have my degree (an M.A. in theology), so now its time to start a practice and go to work everyday. They say that's where the real learning takes place anyway.

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"Character is formed through action, and it is transformed through action, including carefully planned and grace-sustained disciplines." -Dallas Willard

Defiance

I went to see the movie Defiance the other day, and recommend it to you. Its the true story of Russian Jews led by 4 brothers who all (1200 of them!) survived the Holocaust by hiding in the forest. The people endured multiple winters, sickness, and starvation. In one scene a Jewish rabbii led a prayer asking God to depart from them because they no longer wanted to be His special people - they no longer wanted to be a people set apart for Him because all it had brought them was suffering.

At one point the Germans were attacking them, and they fled the camp that they had built, and had to cross a boggy region reminiscent of the red sea. Before crossing the bog, one of the brothers declared to the people that God would not save them, He would not provide a miracle as He did for Moses, rather they must save themselves.

Honestly, I was looking for something a little more inspirational! Faithful is not how I would describe these men and women.

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Today I had the privilege of reading the first lesson and psalm at our Sunday worship service. The first lesson from Deuteronomy 18:15-20 described a people strikingly similar to those in the film. In today's passage, Moses told the Jews that God would send them another prophet like himself, reminding them of what they had asked of God at Mount Horeb - "Let me not hear again the voice of the Lord my God or see this great fire any more, lest I die." They too, out of fear, wanted God to depart from them.

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After the Russian Jews crossed the bog, the Jewish rabbi, lying on the ground to die, tells the eldest brother that he had almost lost his faith, b/c he thought that God had abandoned them, but then realized that he (the brother) was their miracle - their Moses - sent to them by God! Though the people were unfaithful, this one man (often doubting himself) persisted. Hebrews 11 recounts the heroes of the faith - Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, etc. - but they are not representative of the Jewish people - they are the exceptions - the ones through whom God saved His people. God's people have never been faithful - the film's inspiration comes instead from the Lord's faithfulness to so defiant and obstinate of a people.