Silence & Solitude

Spring time (or late winter in Florida's case) is when breeders get busy - busy as bees. I am studying genetics/plant breeding at the University of Florida (GO GATORS!), and my adviser is a stone-fruit (peach, apricot, plum, cherry - but mostly peach) breeder. Currently we are making crosses in the field, which means that when a peach tree begins to bloom, we remove the petals and anthers of each flower before a bee can get to it, and brush pollen (of our own choosing) onto the flower's pistil to fertilize it. Later we'll collect the seeds in order to plant them (last year we planted approx. 8000 seedlings) - hoping that just one of them will have all the traits we want for a big, fat, juicy peach!
(1) When the blossom swells, but is not yet open, (2) the petals & anthers are removed, and (3) a pencil eraser is used to make the pollination

Making these hybrid crosses takes about 2-3 hours everyday, but the time goes by fast out in a sunny orchard of blooming peach trees. The work is enjoyable - I love it in fact, and look forward to this time of year. But it can also be an exhausting time of year, especially amidst all of the other regularly scheduled activities going on. I like to keep busy, but I also like time to myself - its a constant little war. Of late, the busy side has been winning, and I've enjoyed the reign of activity, but the introvert in me is staging a protest - a kind of silent protest... a sit-down strike:) Really, I just need to practice the spiritual discipline of silence and solitude.

Silence and solitude means rest from activity and rest from others. It reestablishes the Christian's identity which is centered in Christ alone. It reminds her that she is not defined by what she does as a blogger, exerciser , or plant breeder. Nor does she exist merely in relation to others as a sister, daughter, or friend. Relationally, she is the child of God, and she does nothing to be identified as such. She just is...even in silence and solitude.

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Rest from activity...

I've not read much of Blaise Pascal for myself, but just after college I studied for a semester in France and took an introductory level french philosophy class there, in which Pascal was one of the thinkers presented. Because the professor was speaking in french, I missed a lot of what was said, but one idea made it passed the language barrier, because he kept saying it over and over: divertissement. The word translates into English as diversion, and the idea is that because man is aware of his smallness and impending death, he busies himself with diversions, pursuits, and activities to avoid thinking about his condition and who he really is.

Pascal writes...
"The only thing which consoles us from our miseries is diversion, and yet this is the greatest of our miseries. For it is this which principally hinders us from reflecting upon ourselves and which makes us insensibly ruin ourselves...But diversion amuses us, and leads us unconsciously to death."

"But take away diversion, and you will see them dried up with weariness. They feel then their nothingness without knowing it; for it is indeed to be unhappy as soon as we are reduced to thinking of self and have no diversion."

"All of man's misfortune comes from one thing, which is not knowing how to sit quietly in a room."

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Rest from others...

In Life Together, Dietrich Bonhoeffer speaks of the importance of the day together and the day alone. He writes, "Let him who cannot be alone beware of community. Let him who is not in community beware of being alone." This statement rings true in my ears, which hear nothing but "I...I...I..." by my own lips when I've been too often alone, and nothing but meaningless prattle when I've been too frequently among others. On the topic of needing rest from others, Bonhoeffer continues...

Alone you stood before God when He called you; alone you had to answer that call; alone you had to struggle and pray; and alone you will die and give an account to God. You cannot escape from yourself; for God has singled you out. If you refuse to be alone you are rejecting Christ's call to you, and you can have no part in the community of those who are called.

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Silence and solitude is one of the spiritual disciplines, and though you'd think doing and saying nothing would require little effort, it is actually quite difficult. The few times I've intentionally tried it have resulted in...

1. me scheming of what to do next

or

2. me falling asleep.

Neither of these seem to get at the purpose - reestablishing the Christian's identity in Christ alone. This past week was especially filled with people and activity(it was a fun week!), but feeling a bit drained from it all, I decided to attend "soaking prayer" at a church down the street. The church is open so that people can come pray. I was neither in silence (there was music playing) nor in solitude (others were there too) - but it was the most quiet and by-myself that I'd been in awhile. There's something about a church building - ceiling ascending to a peak, moonlight filling the room through stained glass, an altar from which the bread and wine are given, a crucifix nailed on the wall - something that draws my thoughts to Christ. I didn't think about all the things I had left to do that day, I didn't fall asleep, I didn't even pray really - I just sat there with a sense of peace that in this near silence and solitude, I, as much as ever, belonged to Christ.