I need constant affirmation, a day without it leaves me doubting - does he like me, does she want to be my friend, am I doing a good job? Am I pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, funny enough, interesting enough, talented enough, fun enough? Am I ... enough??? Unfortunately I often look for that affirmation in the wrong place - from people, people just as insecure as myself. Every Christian "knows" that our true identity is in Christ, that we are affirmed by Him, but we often don't know it - doubt creeps in.
Currently I'm reading Abba's Child by Brennan Manning - only on ch. 2, but I think the theme of the book (in Kendra terms) is: we are Abba's child - good enough for God, so who cares about anybody else's opinion. Just be yourself! you is good enough.
Oh, but its so hard not to care about everybody else - the ones standing right in front of me. I can see the approval or disapproval on their faces. How I want to impress them, and receive their affirmation. Funny thing is, there's nothing more unimpressive than someone trying to impress you. How impressive and beautiful is the confident person who knows she is adored, adored and loved by God, without a thing to prove. I want to be her.
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from Life of the Beloved by Henri Nouwen
always looking for someone or something able to convince me of my belovedness...I kept refusing to hear the voice that speaks from the very depth of my being and says: "You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests." That voice has always been there, but it seems that I was much more eager to listen to other louder voices saying: "Prove that you are worth something; do something relevant, spectacular, or powerful, and then you will earn the love you so desire."
from Life of the Beloved by Henri Nouwen
always looking for someone or something able to convince me of my belovedness...I kept refusing to hear the voice that speaks from the very depth of my being and says: "You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests." That voice has always been there, but it seems that I was much more eager to listen to other louder voices saying: "Prove that you are worth something; do something relevant, spectacular, or powerful, and then you will earn the love you so desire."
I really enjoyed reading this post, and I can definitely relate to needing affirmation from others. I think that maybe one of the reasons it is so hard to really know that we are enough in God's eyes, is because He is the only one that sees our true selves. He sees the good, the bad, and the ugly. This makes it difficult for us to accept that he loves and accepts us anyway. We are able to hide most of the bad and the ugly from other people, so when they give their approval it makes us feel better about the parts that they do not see. God sees it all and thinks that we are enough. How amazing and hard to grasp!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback Erika! I like what you added: that we're not only trying to impress w/ our good qualities, but also trying so hard to hide the bad & ugly. Funny how we crave intimacy w/ people - for them to see us for who we really are, yet try so hard to hide it at the same time - fear of rejection?
ReplyDeletefrom "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren
ReplyDelete"The world thinks intimacy occurs in the dark, but God says it happens in the light. Darkness is used to hide our hurts, faults, fears, failures and flaws. But in the light, we bring them all out into the open and admit who we really are. Of course being authentic requires both courage and humility. It means facing our fear of exposure, rejection, and being hurt again...we only grow by taking risks, and the most difficult risk of all is to be honest with ourselves and with others."
Good thoughts Kendra! I deal that need for approval everyday and then i deal with clients who struggle with the same thing! Knowing our identity in Christ and our worth in Him, not based on doing 'good enough' but on who we are, is huge! Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteErica