Decisions

Making decisions is so hard for me. Little decisions are challenging enough, but when the big life choices arise, that's when I get stressed out. Ordering a meal at a restaurant can be tough:) - what if my choice is not absolutely delicious, or if my neighbors plate looks more appetizing than mine?!? Torturous, right? When I go clothes shopping, I absolutely cannot decide on an item in the store, so I usually buy more than I plan to keep, take it home to make my decision over the course of a few days, and then return the items I don't want. I've discovered that you can pretty much return anything purchased in a store!

Bigger life decisions, however, cannot be returned. I don't have many regrets in life, so I don't know why I'm so afraid of making a choice that I'll regret. Even the "regrets" have had accompanying life lessons that I'd never take back. Yet the fear can be crippling. Often my decision making method has been retreat - to ignore the decision needing to be made and let time decide my fate (its actually worked ok so far). I wish someone could just make the big decisions for me - someone who never makes mistakes of course. In Ethics, Dietrich Bonhoeffer identifies Adam & Eve's choice to eat the forbidden fruit, as their choice to be the decision makers. Doubting God's provision for them, they wanted independence - to be the deciders of their own fate. What an awful choice! How could they possibly know better than God. And now we're stuck with it - this choosing. Trying to figure out what is good for us, when we've no clue of the future or the bigger picture. I wish that someone else could make this decision for me, but now its mine to make.

Its too late to be stopped at the cross roads
each life here, each a possible way,
but wait and they all will be lost roads,
each path growing shorter the longer I stay
I was dead with deciding - afraid to choose.
I was mourning the loss of the choices I'd lose,
But there's no choice at all if I don't make my move,
and trust that the timing is right.
I will hold it up to the light
-not sure who wrote these lyrics