to be free

to be free means...

...to be free from ourselves,

from our untruth,

in which it seems as if I alone were the center of the world

...to be free from myself

in order

to be free for others

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Dietrich Bonhoeffer

July 24, 1932

"Through Gates of Splendor" Ch 1

Studying at Books-A-Million last night. I'm a bookstore studier - the smelling and sipping of coffee, a study break to peruse the books, the sound of blurred conversations and mellow music in the background - these little pleasures make studying a treat. During last night's study break perusal, I stumbled upon 'The Gates of Splendor' by Elisabeth Elliot. I read the first chapter and decided to buy it. Here's one of the sentences that helped make the purchase...

"Were it not that I believed that Jesus was seen of men and proved Himself to be supernatural in outwitting death, I would throw the whole system back to the troubled skies and take a raft down the Mississippi today. But the fact is founding, settling, establishing. It holds as nothing else, and gives the sense that there are answers, not yet discovered, for which I must wait."

"But the fact is founding" - how that resonates. I too have felt doubt and thought it would be so much easier to "take a raft down the Mississippi". (actually, since reading Huck Finn, I have always wanted to take a raft down the Mississippi, however I don't think Elliot is talking about an actual rafting trip). But I've felt the same grounding - not from family, or friends, or habbit, or any other persuasion. It is the fact of Jesus that I cannot deny - it is settling. it is establishing. it holds as NOTHING else.

Live a Lover's Life

And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve the things that are excellent, in order to be sincere and blameless...

-the apostle Paul writing to the Philippians ch. 1, vs. 9-10

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So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much, but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover's life, circumspect and exemplary...

-Phil 1:9-10 paraphrased by Eugene Peterson

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"Live a lover's life" - haha - I like that - sounds a little edgy:) and I think it is... the love Paul prays for is certainly not the norm - most people's notion of love is probably more of the "sentimental gush". A love that is "sincere and intelligent" - seems quite radical, and crazy, and rich, and ...hard!!!

'Faith My Eyes'

So keep'em coming these lines on the road

And keep me responsible be it a light or heavy load

And keep me guessing with these blessings in disguise

And I'll walk with grace my feet and faith my eyes

traveling wisdom

Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and many are those who enter through it. For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it.

Matthew 7:13-14

Thy Kingdom Come

Psalm 65:9

You visit the earth and cause it to overflow.
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A friend recently told me that in the Catholic church they practice novena. I'm not Catholic and didn't know what that was so I looked it up and found that it is nine days of prayer and devotion to obtain special graces. It has a long and diverse history that I didn't fully read about, but in the past it has been practiced at different times and for various reasons. The nine days leading up to Christmas is one of those. During these nine days, symbolic of the 9 months Christ was in Mary's womb, the people pray for Christ's coming. So much of Christmas is tradition and just what people do without thinking about it. I like hearing about how other cultures celebrate and worship - it gives fresh persepective as I look on from the outside, and allows me to see the reality underneath all the hoop-la. I like the idea of novena - though I think its more real than just a religious idea. The reality novena speaks of is God on earth. Did God really come to earth? That is the claim...and it is an extraordinary and rather ridiculous claim if you think about it. I've thought about it a lot, and I decide to pray the novena. I don't know what special graces are exactly, but God's kingdom on earth strikes me as something extremely special and more full of grace than anything else I could think to pray for. And so I pray for Christ's coming...."Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven."

Mansfield Park

"I see more distinctly through the rain."

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"Beware of fainting fits. Beware of swoons."
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"I do not trust him... his sole interest is in being loved, not in loving."
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“Are you certain?”
“I have no talent for certainty.”
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"Run mad as long as you choose, but do not faint."
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"Its just that the temptation was too strong for a mind unused to making any sort of sacrifice."
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“Is there anything to be done?”
“Wait.”
“Wait?”
“Time can do almost anything.”
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At the time when it was natural, and not a moment sooner..."
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"I was so anxious to do what is right that I forgot to do what is right."